PENSIONER BEHIND BARS FOR COMMENTS

Yorkshire pensioner, Gladys Heel is behind bars tonight at Otley police station, after falling foul of the Local Council's new home owners policies. Two days ago, the Local Council sent a representative to Mrs Heel's bungalow to follow up her complaints about poor insulation and chilly drafts. When Mrs Heel said that "the cold comes right under that door there" the representative is alleged to have told her that "the cold" as such doesn't exist, and the feeling that one associates with cold is actually a lack of heat." Mrs Heel is then reported to have suggested to the representative that he should spend an hour or two locked in her freezer, and then he could perhaps rethink his analysis.

Having issued a full report to his masters, as is Local Council policy, they found that Mrs Heel had controvened a number of newly passed legislative measures, not least of all the controversial "Home owner vs Intruder" policy.

Ironically for Mrs Heel, Otley police station is reportedly "very snug" and there seems to be a pleasant absence of "cold", or an abundance of "heat", as it were.