BUSINESSES TO ADOPT NEW PEN REGULATIONS

After months of deliberations, The Ministry of Commerce has put forward a set of regulations concerning the use of pens in the workplace, and businesses across the United Kingdom are being encouraged to follow them. The regulations are intended to "avoid any form of personal misunderstanding or embarrassment whatsoever and embrace the modern ethnic diversity in the United Kingdom", in the words of Commisioner Anthony Phillips-Whiney. In plain English:

- black and brown pens are to be phased out, as their presence could offend immigrants and foreign residents.

- red pens are to be phased out, as their presence could offend Native Americans.

- blue pens are to be phased out, as their presence could offend blue-blooded creatures.

The regulations are expected to be passed in September.